Journal Entry: Sat Aug 6, 2016, 1:00 AM
Guys, I have a confession. (This is former Hei-Chan btw- Yes, I'm not dead.)
After all the Japan fiasco and moving to Hawaii and shit, I really can't get it out of my head. No matter how much I try to find another job or another dream I still end up falling back to my manga-ka dreams. It's been more than a year now. I don't tell this to my family. In a way I am ashamed for coming back empty handed after all that time and money I spent in Japan chasing the dream. I got a bit of experience and a graduation certificate but damnit I wasn't able to hold a job to support my life.
My real confession is; I'm a stupid little girl. I fell in love with guy who didn't love me back and I let that disappointment make me run away. I was so sad and upset in Japan that I opted to run away saying that "I need a new life." But in reality I was just really hurt and I couldn't concentrate on my career and dreams because of stupid childish emotions.
I went back to Hawaii, spent years getting a college degree, stayed away from anime and manga because it reminded me too much of my past disappointments. I tried to hard to start a life being a different person.
But the truth is, drawing and manga is what I know. It's what I love. Now I don't know what to do in life. It haunts me every night. And on my death bed my biggest regret would be that I left Japan. I should have worked harder, swallowed the pain and held on during the tough times.
I don't belong in this life I have rebuilt for myself. I lost myself and everyday it tears away at my very being that I am trapped in this regretful state.